Before responding to the Tom Lasswell and Terry Hatkoff 50-item Love Scale Questionnaire, Marcia Lasswell and Norman Lobsenz (Styles of Loving, 1980, Ballantine, pg. 60) recommend: Take five or ten minutes to write a brief summary of what you believe LOVE IS, how you feel about it, how you think it should be expressed. Think in terms of your present love relationship, or, if you do not have one, in terms of your most significant past love relationship. For example, how do you normally feel about and act toward the person you love? How do you ordinarily prefer him or her to feel about and act toward you? In essence, what does "BEING IN LOVE" mean to you? If you write your personal statement first, it might later validate or bring counterpoint to your replies to the Love Scale items. Finally, in order not to bias your responses, do answer the 50 questions before reading the following definitions or interpretations.

6 Romantic Love STYLES --- Definitions

S= Storge = BEST FRIENDS: Those high on this scale believe that love means slowly growing to care for another person. It is important to build a marriage on a close association over a long period of time together. It usually means the belief that two people who eventually grow to love each other should have begun their relationship by being friends. There is initial rapport based on mutual sharing; thoughtfulness; enjoyment of time spent together; and particularly, having a great deal in common. They usually believe that sex ought to be deferred until after love is established --- that it should be a natural extension of the deep caring that has grown over time. They believe that people in love ought to acknowledge personal decisions of their partners as appropriate even when they do not agree with them. Lovers ought to respect each other's personal dignity and do not see differences of opinion or arguments as threatening to a love relationship. Those in love should not be anxious about a partner's temporary absence on business or on a family visit, for instance, and they also believe that lovers should have a concern about their partneres in whatever they do, even if they do not always understand the partners' behaviors. They usually have difficulty accepting the idea of ending a relationship once it is well established. They expect feelings of caring to continue (summarized from Lasswell, M & T., 1982, text on Marriage and the Family, pg. 497, based on J.A. Lee, The Colors of Love, 1973/1976).

A=Agape= UNSELFISH LOVE: High scorers believe that love is shown by caring more for one's partner's welfare than for one's own. Items cluster about great respect and concern for one's partner's welfare and comfort. Love is not martyrdom but rather, an unconditional caring, nurturing, giving forgiving, and understanding for one's partner. One is expected to experience love as a feeling of satisfaction and reward from knowing that the lover's needs are being met. They do not view being in love as an exchange. They neither expect nor particularly want equity (Lasswell, 501).

M= Mania= POSSESSIVE: High scorers define being in love as an anxiety-producing relationship. They believe that a boring relationship is considered threatening rather than exciting. Those with high possessive scores often expect Tennov's "limerent" experience for partners. They believe that people in love should alternate between peaks of euphoria and valleys of misery and depression. They need much reassurance from a partner in the form of words, actions, time, and energy devoted to showing love. They believe that no none should have to share a partner with anyone or anything else. People in love are "naturally" jealous. They are likely to be emotional and intense in everything they do. They see passion as a natural part of being in love. They usually stress the importance of sexual exclusivity in the relationship, and the thought of a partner even entertaining the notion that another person might be attractive may be quite unsettling. They may conclude that a relaxed, easygoing partner is not really in love since he or she does not get upset over such matters.

P=Pragma= LOGICAL: This type is epitomized in rationality. They believe that the core of every true love relationship is the practical capability of the partners to satisfy each other's goals, values, and wishes. Relationships that do not enable the partners to solve these practical problems are seen as foolish or are simply "infatuations," "physical attractions," or "immature." They think first of the love object's qualifications or suitability. They consider it a waste of time for a person to get involved with anyone who fails to meet their standards. They think it is appropriate to have a series of filters through which a potential partner must pass. Love at first sight makes no sense becuase too many questions about the future remain unanswered until two people have done considerable self-revelation. When a partner has failed to live up to promise, or has changed in some important ways, there may be a serious question of whether or not love can still exist. They are more likely to weigh problem areas in their relationships against the good that exists. They are often far from calculating sexually. They relax, enjoy the relationship and care deeply. A warm feeling contentment comes from thinking about the partner's successes and suitability.

L=Ludus= GAME-PLAYING: Love is viewed as risky, exciting, uncertain, and possibly fleeting. High scorers assume the need for strategies to keep the interaction interesting for both partners. "Being taken for granted" is one of the worst things that can happen. Partners must be self-sufficient and relatively independent. They expect partners to make few demands on each other, not to dwell on one another's "responsibilities." Love is never dull. They expect lovers to provide novelty and adventure for each other. One must keep one's partner somewhat uncertain about the future. However, if one partner does not define the give-and-take of a good game as being in love, there can be serious difficulties.

E=Erotic= ROMANTIC: High scorers believe in love at first sight, and include a strong physical and sexual component, an urgency, plus an enmeshing of the partners. A total emotional interest is immediately in full bloom. the partner is expected to remember the moment of the first meeting in minute detail. They expect partners to want to know everything about them and to spend every possible moment with them. Great sexual urgency is expected, although it may not be acted out for various reasons. Sometimes, however, it propels the partners into marriage to legitimize the urgency. They usually expect their partners --- and themselves --- to be monogamous. If they become sexually involved with any persons other than their partners, they are likely to decide they have fallen out of love. They expect a lover to commit to a relationship quickly from the sheer intensity of the initial attraction. There is a conviction that "love conquers all" --- that nothing else is really important as long as love lasts (Lasswell, 500-501).

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